Hall of Shame for Drivers

Seeing as the Police are only interested in dangerous drivers if they kill someone, it's pretty pointless phoning them to report them otherwise. In order to resolve this I have decided to shame the moronic drivers I see on my travels.

Today's hero: FH02 VXD - Metallic Blue Volkswagen Beetle with roof rack.
Crime: Inventing new lanes that don't actually exist.
Area: Approaching King's Mill Reservoir
Time: 04/02/05 18:00

This retard had no idea about safe overtaking, oncoming cars? No problem, simply let people swerve out of your way. Greatest idea to cut congestion yet.
Lanes merging? Easy try the new method of car merging, drive your car into the one on the left, they'll either move or need the side of their car respraying.

Waster Uniforms

To be a complete waster you need to look the part.
In order to do this you'll need the following items:-

(In no particular order)
1. Burberry Baseball Hat (preferably fake)
2. Adidas Tracksuit Bottoms - Press-stud variety with Lumo Yellow/Orange Stripes
3. Cheapest but thickest gold chain from Argos/Elizabeth Duke/H. Samuel
4. Sovereign rings from another budget jeweller
5. 3 children all under 3, must have names like chardonnay, brooklyn, romeo etc. Must be no more than 2 months apart, and have different fathers.
6. Reebok Classic trainers - Ideally ripped and dirty
7. Vauxhall Nova with beancan for an exhaust, and neon lights stolen from mum's brothel
8. No intelligence
9. Pretty bad spots/un-washed complexion
10. Offwhite puffa jacket with barbwire rips and stuffing hanging out.
11. Selection of tattoo's with ex-girlfriends names covered with a tasteful rose or swooping swift. Females can opt for the Pamela Anderson barb-wire on wrist look, or dolphin/celtic symbol at the base of the spine for extra un-originality.
12. Massive loop earrings.
13. Far too much hairspray, making your hair look like chipfat.
14. Piece of material that resembles a mini skirt.
15. Cheap top from New Look sale or Dorothy Perkins. Ideal if borrowed from your mate.

Scum in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, England

Here you will find details of human backwardness in my town where I live.
Before we detail the mindlessness, a little bit about Mansfield itself.

Where is Mansfield?
Mansfield is situated in the Midlands, near the cities of Derby, Nottingham and Sheffield.

What is Mansfield famous for?
It is supposedly home to the centre of Sherwood Forest, where Robin Hood used to play a latter day smackhead and rob people.

What is there to do in Mansfield?
To be fair the leisure facilities are pretty good, there is a decent sized multiplex cinema, lots of McDonalds restaurants, Pizza Hut, KFC, a below par Leisure centre (which I understand will shortly be rectified), a couple of not bad swimming pools, a bowling alley, and above all a "wonderful" nightlife scene which usually involves getting tanked up and fighting with someone because they looked at your girlfriends empty glass in the wrong way.

Why is Mansfield crap?
Drug Addicts litter the streets, stealing all and sundry to feed their dirty habits. And generally looking untidy, with chav-style baseball hats, puffa jackets, trainers and grey skin. Yobs/Trainee drug addicts who are on their apprenticeship to full smackhead status, their remit is to smash bus stop windows, graffitti buildings, vandalise cars and drink underage. They'll do anything to reduce the tone of the area below that of what it currently is. They really all should be shot at birth to prevent this, but due to the incompetence of Sky Digital engineers their parents seem to keep reproducing whilst waiting for their dish to be installed.